10 Ways that I need to improve:
- Having confidence in my abilities
- Following through on the projects I start
- Promoting myself
- Be more self less, doing anything for someone else that does not benefit myself
- Think about money less
- Worry less
- Take more professional risks
- Not worry about other people’s opinions so much
- Talk to other people more – be less introverted
- Be more vocal about the things I need and want out of life
10 Things I am great at:
- Being empathetic
- Taking care of my dog
- Coming up with new ideas
- Working hard
- Not getting angry
- Making people feel comfortable
Be honest with yourself first. Brutally.
When you are honest with yourself then it is easier to honest with other people.
Honesty can be very powerful when. I do not think most people take the time to be honest with themselves so it becomes hard to be honest with the world around them. And then when you listen to them you think, “What the hell are they talking about. That doesn’t make any sense.”
That is because they have been lying to themselves and they want you to come live in their lie. So the truth becomes powerful.
People seek out the truth. They want precision. And if you don’t know something and you are honest, they can trust you more.
When I worked at the Apple Store I would straight up tell people: “I do not know the answer to your question, let’s find out that answer together.”
People never expected that. Sometimes people would get angry with me, most of the time they would say ok and do some digging with you.
That is actually how I am most days with technology. I have no idea how this works, but let’t find out. Google what do you know?
You want to become the source. You want to have people come to you for information and help. That is how you provide value. That is why doctors are put on such a high pedestal. They have spent years filling their brain with knowledge so they have become a source to go to when there is a problem. And they have to be honest.
Cancer. Heart disease. COVID-19.
But when you get that honesty, you trust that person more. You do not want to hear it sometimes, but you need it.
The times when I failed the hardest in life. When they fired me from my job. When I stayed in a relationship much longer than I ever should have. I was being completely dishonest with myself. I was hoping the world was different from what was right in front of me. And it cost me everything.
It takes you hitting the ground to make you face the reality. Where you actually stand in the world.
That is how you move forward and make things actually happen.
I really have not had a “career”. I think the days of doing one thing in life are gone for most people. Even if you go to school to become a doctor. You will probably move and flow from one part of medicine to the other. Or become a business person like my sister, because so much of medicine is about money, you better get to know how it works.
I have been a lot of different things in my time. I have been a salesman, technician, author, laborer, set designer. The list is really endless when I think about. And I always thought it was curse. Me trying to find my purpose, what the hell am I good at that I am supposed to be doing.
But now I look at it as a gift. I am great at experimenting and learning new things. It is why I have become great in the technology world. Things are constantly evolving and you better keep learning and changing with the times or you will get left behind.
In my experience, you have to try a lot of different things to find out what is going to work. I have tried several businesses that I just could make work. I am great at providing value, I am just not great a monetizing that value. I always want to give it away for free.
But that is when I have to be honest with myself. You have to actually make money to have a business. So I need partners that are good at the monetizing side so I can be good at the value side.
Make sure you deliver
Once, I had a really good friend. We were even roommate for a few years. And I decided to throw a New Years Eve party for a few friends, like 5. The day comes and he texts me a few hours before the event that he will not be coming, because he has a chance to get lucky with a date of his.
I was pissed. But he said that he would still love to get together sometime and that we would go to dinner later and I thought ok we will see how this goes.
He never contacted me again.
And it took everything in me not to reach out to him and tell him how I felt, but I didn’t.
And he never contacted me again.
He didn’t really value our friendship.
Do not commit to something if you can’t deliver the goods.
When you are honest with your family, friends and coworkers they believe what you tell them. And like the title your word becomes law.
So when you do not walk the talk people get upset because you are breaking laws against them.
You cannot convince anyone
No one is going to change their mind because you crafted a beautiful argument that makes perfect sense and tells the truth. People have beliefs that they have held for a lifetime; religion, politics, family, class, race. Just because you are honest and tell the truth does not mean someone is going to believe you.
Often the loudest voice in the room is the one that people believe. Not the one that is honest. Do not waste any energy trying to convince others that you have the truth. Just speak your truth and find people that are likeminded.
There are people that are interested in truth, you just have to search harder for them.
Tell the truth and then don’t take the bait.
It took me a long time to understand how my parents operate. They have their beliefs and I have mine, but they need to get the last word. It does not matter what that last word is, it just matters that they get that last word. And I am totally fine with that. But I did not understand that for the longest time. I thought we need to get to the truth. But getting to the truth caused division.
Most people want to live in the Matrix. They may not be ready to deal with reality. Or have to reevaluate their long held beliefs.
When you encounter those people just tell the truth and keep your mouth shut. Let them keep living in the Matrix.
Because you have an edge over them. You live in reality and will be able to adapt and deal with the changes that are coming.
Honesty is change
The world is changing. The internet is here. COVID-19 is here. There is no going back to the old way of life. Remember that life? The one where we all went to the department store to purchase our wardrobe.
That is gone.
We now live in the age of groceries delivered on the front porch.
I actually just got groceries delivered to my porch by mistake by Instacart. I do not drink Diet Dr. Pepper.
It is a new decade and we must all adapt to the new way of life or get left.
My heart breaks for the all the people that are laid off or unemployed. There does not appear to be an end in sight.
I know the one that we cannot do. Stick our head in the sand and pretend that everything is ok. Because it is not ok. We have to be honest. We have to adapt to the new economy. The new normal.
The last thing I know is that for your word to become law you have to be persistent. Honesty is not a one and done thing. It is a daily practice. A life long practice. The only way that people will believe your message or story is if you persistently tell that same message. You become a master by practicing.
And honesty is no different.
Some people will be taken aback by your honesty. They will ask you if you are ok or if you need help. And they might even drop you from their contact list, because of fear of being associated with you. But that is ok.
I read a quote today that I believe is true: 30% of people will hate you, 30% of people with be indifferent to you and 30% of people will love you. Work to find the people that love you.
You will gain new followers and believers that are drinking your KoolAid. That are thinking the same thing you are or are searching for answers just like you are.
And you honesty will cary weight.
Your word will become law.